Chapter 2 - New Start

A month has passed since the last tragedy. My voice was still gone, and so was Mary. It was hard, trying to speak and was even harder trying to let go of what had happened that night. I blamed myself for everything. Sam did too. He said if he hadn’t taken Kim to the room, none of this would have happened. I still could not blame him. I believe they were meant to leave then, but I could not understand why such a thing would happen. I was finally getting happy. Finally thinking that the one thing I had always wanted was going to happen. Yet, those two idiots had to ruin it for me with their race. I know it was wrong to be happy for someone’s death, but I was happy one of the racers got what he deserved. They took away a life, and had theirs taken.

Nothing was going to save me, I told myself. Nothing in this world could possibly give me both a life and voice back. God? Yeah, I am sure God meant for this to happen. Since everything happens for a reason. My mother would keep going on and on about how God wants good things for me, and how all of this was written. Sometimes I would just wish I had the voice to scream from pain, and tell Him how I would rather he took my life than my voice. I knew He could hear me, I just felt like he was ignoring.

I thought isolating myself in my room, was the best option. I thought the alcohol; weed and pills that I had hidden in my bathroom would make me forget everything. I was wrong. It made me think a lot and never cheered me up. The alcohol had me crying, the weed had me thinking and the pills had me lie down and not be able to move. My stomach was growling, but I did not care. Food was not going to save me. No one was going to save me. My nights were long, during my days I was gone and in my room I was left to rot. My family could not face me, and I did not blame them. I mean who would enjoy speaking to someone who cannot respond. I did not want to see anyone anyway.

Sam used to visit to play video games and update me with the world that I did not care about. I used to write to him with the white board I had in my room, and to make me feel good he used to write back and not speak. I hated everyone for sending me cards and flowers. I was not dead. I wished I were. I just lost one of my senses. Sam told me that I was lucky to lose my voice, and that it made me seem wiser not to speak when spoken to. He also admired the poetry I used to write and post up to the wall, told me it had so much meaning and made him want to cry sometimes. I enjoyed writing, it made me escape the world I was living in and enter a new one. One where no one tells you what to do, or say, or even feels bad for you. It was just one where words written were the most important way of expressing oneself.

One week was left to the school’s prom, and Sam really wanted me to go with him. He told me it is the best way to get out of this box I’ve isolated myself in. He was right. I needed some change of atmosphere. So we went shopping for a prom suit together. We got to the store at the mall and as we were walking around. “Hey guys, do you need any help?” said the girl working at the store. Sam asked for the latest suits they had, that were slim fit, for both him and I. She brought like five for each of us. I really liked them all, and could not decide. Sam was taking his time in the changing room. “Which one do you like?” she asked me. I pointed at them all, and she laughed. “Which one do you want?” I did not know how to respond, I hated people repeating a similar question, and I felt like she was trying to force me to speak. I pointed at one. “Really? What about this one?” while pointing at the one placed right by it. This woman was giving me a hard time, and I was in no place to shut her up. Since prom did not matter to me, I figured I might as well go with what she was picking. Sam came out of the changing room and showed me what he decided to get.

We paid and left the store. Walked around the mall, then decided to eat something. It was nice to have someone who knew me well around, he could just order what I wanted. That’s when it hit me; I needed people around me to know who I was. I needed them to know that I cannot respond to them with words, but I can with actions. So I took out my phone and typed a text telling Sam “People do not know that I can not speak, and I do not know how long it would take for me to start speaking again. So I need to start learning sign language.” He told me that was a great idea. So it was decided I am finally going to have a reason to study sign language.

Just then I saw a girl walking towards us, limping. It was Kim. She said hi, and gave me a hug while crying which made me begin crying too. Everyone was looking at us, but it did not matter. She then sat down and asked how I was doing. My thumbs did the job for me to tell her that I am doing well, and then pointed at her asking how she was doing. She lied when she said she was okay. To me, she seemed sad, I saw it in her eyes. It was like she witnessed and felt everything; after all she was in the accident. I hugged her again to make her know that I’ll always be there.

Sam and her seemed to be getting pretty close. It made happy, yet reminded of how close I was with Mary. I could not think of her though. I know it has been a month, but I came to understand that she is in a better place now. Since everything happens for a reason. I loved her, and I miss her but like my mom would say “Once they pass away, the good will go to a better place.” Mary was the best person I knew. She was kind, loving, caring, and responsible. She never asked for anything in return. I just wished her life were better.

Kim asked us if we were going to prom, and said that we should go together. I somehow felt awkward then, it is obvious that these two would want to spend some alone time together. I could not be the one that comes in between them and having a good time. So I texted Sam without letting Kim notice, telling him that he should tell her that I already have someone to go with, when the truth is I did not. I had to make it seem like I did though.

I got home, and the search began. I scrolled through my phone in search of a prom date. All of a sudden, I came across her name. No not Mary, but Veronica. The girl I was with the night of the accident. I thought to myself, “Should I text her?” but it seemed like I had no other choice but to do so. She replied very quickly to my text, asking how I was doing. I did not know how to respond, or how to ask her to prom. She then sent another message asking if I was going to prom. That was it. That was my chance to ask her to go with me.

Before doing so, I texted Sam asking him if he thinks it is a good idea. He told me to go for it, and that nobody really knows I was in the room with her that night, not even Kim. Eventually, I decided to text her asking if she would want to go with me. With no hesitation, I assume, and judging by her fast reply, she said yes.

I should be excited, you might think, to go to prom. May be get lucky? That is not what I hoped for though. She was not the one I had planned to go with in the first place. Neither was she a plan b. Veronica was not really someone to brag about taking to prom. Especially since she considered Mary a psycho. It was bedtime, and I was exhausted. I had a big day ahead of me with Sam. We were going to go to school to volunteer with designing and arranging the gym for prom.

I woke up the next day feeling energetic and had my mind cleared. It has been a while since I stopped the unhealthy activities such as: smoking and drinking. I felt like this was a new start and I needed to be at my best. We got to school and most of my classmates were there. I appreciated the ones who came and said hello, and did not care for those who spoke and looked at me from a distance. It was not new to me. Besides what can I say to them anyway?

Sam and I were in charge of the graffiti art drawn on the boards that surrounded the gym. He was an artist, and I was more the admirer of his work. Some girls approached us, told us we were doing a good job and thanked us for it. Again, Sam did all the talking. All I did was nod and smile. One of the girls was in my class, but we never got to speak. I always thought she was afraid of me. Not that I was harming her in any way, but that is just how she was. Surprisingly, she seemed more outgoing than ever. Laughing at everything her friends would say then moving around the gym while singing. Not realizing I was spaced out looking at her, Sam noticed me. He laughed and told me maybe I should ask her to prom. I just smiled and continued painting. “Emma, is her name,” Kim said as she approached to hug Sam and I. “She is a nice girl, slightly a nerd.”

It was getting late, and I was feeling tired. Sam decided to give me a ride home. I got home to find my mom with one her friends in the living room. She introduced me to her and told me that her daughter goes to my school, and that she was coming over so I should have a seat. A few minutes later, the doorbell rings and my sister went to open the door. It felt like an angel had walked in, and that angel was the girl from today. It was Emma.