In gowns we sat down as we heard the principal give a speech on how impressed he was with us, and how he was looking forward to hearing about how someday we will all be successful and thank the school for getting us there. A few minutes later, everyone stood up and threw their caps in the air. It took me time to process the whole 'Cap Throwing' thing, but somehow I managed to throw mine high and keep an eye on it so I would get it back. Everyone was hugging, kissing, crying and I was looking around for my cap. Crawling around, and bumping into the crowd of students, teachers and parents; I finally found the cap that had my initials sewed on them.
I got up and there she was, the love of my life, my high school crush just opening her arms out saying: "We did it bestie, we finally graduated." I rushed to hug her, with my heart jumping and the smile on my face getting bigger and bigger. She thanked me for being there for her, when she needed someone to complain to about her jerk of an ex-boyfriend, soon to be divorced parents, and brother who was too young to handle the complicated lifestyle she was living in. I had no clue what was going on in her life either, but all I could do was go over to her house to study with her, and play video games with her brother. I heard a voice calling out for my name in the back, it was my dad. He was hugging my brother who had also graduated with me, while calling out for me. We were not twins. My brother got held back a year because of his bad grades which I believe were caused by his first love, who was a slut if you ask me. She used to walk around school like she owned it, acting all slutty to get what she wants. I believe it all started when her brother got kicked out of school. I know she wouldn't have acted that way if he was still around, and nobody of his friends had the courage to tell him "Yeah man, your sister is a bitch."
My mother took a picture of us three, while crying, and praying that God will take us on a journey to remember. One filled with life, love and happiness. My father told us both that this is the day he's been waiting for all his life and that he's never been happier. Both his sons graduating on the same day, that was a huge thing. As kids, he used to always tell us that with hard work the outcome would be a great reward. So on graduation day, his reward was freedom. "Do what you want to do, you do not need my permission for anything anymore. You are grown men, and no longer my responsibility," he said. Nothing was going to ruin that day for me, besides the fact that I cannot tell the one I love how I truly feel. I told myself that I am going to get over her, and our friendship is way too valuable to ruin by three stupid words such as 'I love you'. Besides I should be happy since everyone seemed so happy, and nothing in the world could ruin this day for us graduates.
The guys and I were discussing what to do later at night, when a girl friend of ours told us that she is throwing a party at a neighbouring hotel's ballroom. We were all going to go, since everyone was invited and nothing else was planned. There was no time to go back home, and get dressed. We were in suits already so we just left from there. As soon as we got there, we realised the ball room was not so big and the party was not a private one. People from other schools were there, and yet somehow I felt like I knew everyone. The DJ was playing good music, everyone was jumping around, and I was dancing like no tomorrow. Later on I started dancing with this girl who I had a thing with once before. It never worked out, because I realised I was not the only person she had a thing with. Yes, I was kind of crushed, but that got me to understand that girls and guys are not so different. Some girls enjoy messing around just as much as guys do. My only problem was that I was young, and somehow I felt used. On the other hand, this night, I did not care if I was going to be used. I figured that would be the best thing to do to get the girl I love out of my head.
We danced, with our bodies pressed against each other and it suddenly got so hot that she asked me if we could go some place else. "It is going to happen," I thought. "I am going to get some tonight." So we rushed to leave the party, and a friend of mine saw me just then. He knew what was going on, and spoke to me about it just when she went to the bathroom. He gave me a room key to the hotel the party was held, told me that I could use it, and that he had some protection in the drawer by the bed. I thanked him, grabbed the girl just as she came out of the bathroom and headed to the room. Kissing from the second we walked in the room, till we got to the bed, our clothes were being thrown everywhere. She had some drinks, and so did I. I guess that is what made it so exciting, steamy and had us feeling so good at every move we made towards each other. She reached out for her purse, took out her own protection and whispered: "This is going to happen, and I always thought you had a thing for that psycho girl". Psycho girl? Did she mean.."She is not psycho!", I yelled.
Putting my clothes back on, I rushed towards the door, and just when it opened, I saw her. She had a fist held high, like she was about to knock on the door. She asked me what I was doing there, and I replied with the same question. She said she was getting her heels, that were left in the room, and as she walked in she saw what I was doing. She was in shock, yet so was I. She looked at me like she was telling me that I could do better. Meanwhile, I looked at her still confused as to why her heels were there. It then hit me, my friend who gave me the room key said he was with someone, and right now it made sense who that girl was. It was her, the love of my life who my friend knew I had feelings for. I did not believe it, I could not take it. I ran to the elevator, went downstairs looking for him, asking where he was and then I found him. I yelled at him with all my voice "You knew I loved her, you know that I cared for her, you knew how much she meant to me, yet you slept with her?! And even worse, you give me the room that you used to do it." He seemed confused, and kept denying. But in my head, it made sense I punched him and just then our friends stopped us from fighting. I had to get out of there, I had to leave and I wished that today never happened.
Just when I was waiting for a cab, a girl asked me if I have seen Mary, the girl I once loved but now hate. I responded "She was up in the room looking for her new boyfriend." She laughed and told me that she was the one in the room with my friend, and she wore her heels and forgot them there. I spaced out. I just stood there and froze thinking, "What is she saying? What did I just do?" I just punched a friend for no reason and made a scene, had everyone know what I felt for someone, looked at the one I loved with disgust, had her see that I was with a girl in the room and now... I am standing here feeling so pathetic and guilty.
I had to go find Sam and apologize to him, and hoped he would understand. It was too late, Sam had already left and a mutual friend told me it's best not to speak to him today, maybe tomorrow. He then added "Sam cares for you man, why would you think he would do such a thing to hurt you?" He was right, Sam was always there for me, he was like a brother I never had, and I just let my feelings for a girl get in between us. I figured, I could at least find Mary and try to explain to her what happened. She found me first, and heard what happened. She said that she could not believe that I would suspect her of doing such a thing, since I know her, and that if any one should be mad, it was her. Since I was the one who was in a room with a girl who she knew hated her, and did not think of how she would feel if she was to find out. I told her that nothing happened, and that I was leaving the room when she spoke about her in a bad way. I told her: "I am tired of hiding my feelings for you, I am tired of going after the wrong girls when I know you are the one I love and it sucks to have you as just a friend, yet it is the best way to keep you in my life". She smiled and added "Did you not hear what I said, silly? I did not like you being with that girl, because I wanted to be the one with you." Her friend called out for her, told her that they had to leave. As she was walking away, she moved her lips with no voice coming out saying "I love you". Just then, I shattered inside, although she had said it so many times, why is it that this time it seemed different? I jumped from joy, got in a cab and headed home.
On my way home, there was so much traffic, and it seemed strange that even at this late hour there could be such traffic. It did not matter, I was on my way home anyway and looking forward to tomorrow. Just when I got home, I jumped in the shower singing to Jason Mraz's 'Lucky', which was our favorite song at the time. Got in bed, and fell asleep right away.
I woke up the next morning, thinking about last night and how it was. I also remembered that I had to apologise to Sam for the whole misunderstanding, and hoped he would forgive me. I called him, and he told me to come outside, he wanted to talk. He stood infront of me, and I smiled at him and told him "I am sorry man, there has been some misunderstanding. I did not mean to punch you and say those things. I was stupid, and I did not know what was going on. I thought you were with Mary in the room, when you were actually with her friend." He began tearing and said: "Mary is dead man, she was in accident yesterday. Two guys where racing when one of them lost grip of his wheel and drove right towards the side where Mary was sitting in the car. Kim is fine, she just broke her leg, but Mary is dead man. I am so sorry"
It's not possible, I could not believe it, so many words were going through my head that I could not speak or say anything. I tried my best to utter a word out, but nothing. All the pain that I wanted to scream out, would not come out. I then blacked out, from all the stress at trying to speak. Opened my eyes was laying on a hospital bed. I could hear the doctor speaking to my father, and telling him that due to the shock I somehow lost my ability to speak. My whole family was in tears, and all I could do was just lay in bed there moving my lips with no sound coming out. Mourning over the pain of losing both Mary and my voice.
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