Chapter 5 - Fancy Funeral

The oil had dried up, and the shirt was in my hand all morning. As I sat in my room wondering, why would Emma do such a thing? She seemed like such an innocent girl when she came over. So quiet, so peaceful just like her mother. Could she have actually killed Nathan and that girl? All these questions came to mind, and I could not just sit there without doing anything.

The doorbell rang, and I heard my dad welcoming someone in. A few seconds later, someone knocked on my door, and walked in. It was Sam; he had just come from Kim’s house. He asked me how I was doing, and told me that there was going to be a funeral held for both Nathan and the girl. The girl’s name was Nicole and she was not in any of my classes, but was a good friend of Emma’s once before. Her and Emma stopped speaking beginning of senior year, when Nicole got into the volleyball team, became popular and made new friends. You could guess how the rest of their story goes. Popularity just gets in the way of two friends, as always.

Sam knew quite a lot about people from our school, from the clubs he was enrolled in. I signed up for some clubs as well, but not the same ones as him. Even though we were really close friends, he and I had different interests. He was signed up for photography, drawing and design. I, however, signed for math, literature and Japanese. I never really had the time to stay after school for any clubs, because of my family. The only time we got together was for lunch, and I could not miss that.

In addition, my brother did not like hanging around school much, and since he was the one old enough to drive, I used to go back home with him. My brother did not hang much with the people from our grade; I guess it was because they were younger than him. He probably found them to be very immature, and would only see them during school time. Most of his friends were abroad for college, and the rest stayed to study in universities around the city. He would either spend his time with them, or with my cousins who were around his age.

Sam and I played video games, and I had no interest in playing. It was obvious that I was feeling terrible about something, and he could tell. He asked me, “What’s wrong? You okay?” I got up, walked towards my desk, and took out a shirt from the drawer. “What’s up? Is that the shirt Emma wore yesterday?” he then asked. I threw it at him, and pointed at my noise for him to smell. He started laughing and said, “Look’s like someone gave an oil rub yesterday. Haha” I lifted my board from the floor and wrote, “No stupid. Emma left that shirt in the room, and yesterday before the fire, Nicole was covered in oil as well.” He looked like he was trying to solve a math problem, as he went quiet for a few seconds. “Oh my God! Are you saying that Emma started that fire?” he asked loudly. Running towards him, I put my hand in his mouth for him to shut up.

Slowly pulling my hand away, he said: “Dude, this is a big deal. We should tell someone.” I wrote, “No we can’t, we do not know yet. We have no evidence.” “What do you mean, no evidence? Her shirt is filled with oil, and she was not around yesterday. She must have done it.” I wrote again, “No it is my shirt, and I do not believe Emma would do such a thing. She is the sweetest person I know.” “This is messed up, we need to find Emma and get it out of her”, he replied. Just as he said that, my phone vibrated, and it was Emma. She texted, “Hey I am sorry for leaving, but my mom was calling me all morning and I had to leave. Hope you are having a good day, and are you going to the funeral?” Sam took my phone and texted, “Yes, I am going. See you there.” Great, now I was getting texts from a criminal and going to see them at a funeral. I hope I survive this night.

I hated funerals; I hated being around a bunch of people mourning the dead. The atmosphere would be so depressing, and I would be the only fool not shedding tears or showing any emotions. I would cheat though. How? Well whenever someone would cry, I would somehow feel the need to cry too. So the best way to get the tears out would be witnessing something sad. I hated that as well.

Sam had an extra suit in his car from the night before, so he wore it. Dressed in all black, we left my house headed towards Kim’s to pick her up. We had to leave early because the funeral’s reception was held in Nathan’s house, which was about twenty minutes outside of town. Nicole’s family was also around that neighborhood. I heard only rich people lived there. They combined both funerals to make it easier for people to visit.

We picked Kim up, and she seemed to be upset. She started crying just as she got in the car saying, “First Mary, now them. Why is this happening? It is not fair. We are graduates, we should be happy.” I got even more upset upon hearing Mary’s name. I agreed with what Kim said. This is not fair. I thought these were supposed to be happy times, but truthfully this start to the summer was just getting worse and worse.

We got to Nathan’s and I could not believe my eyes. His house gate was gigantic. It took us five minutes to drive all the way to the house, and the house had it’s own beach. We parked the car by the door, and got out of the car. Someone came up to Sam and took his key to park the car in the parking lot away from the door. They had their own valet service. This place was like a five-star hotel to me.

Both families’ servants greeted us by the door, guided us to where the event was held and asked us if we wanted any refreshments. It was in a huge room, which was the size of a wedding ballroom. Butlers and maids were going around holding trays that had drinks and mini bites to eat. The rest of the room had this dull, depressing aura and everyone shared it. I did not know any of the deceased very well, but I grieved for them as well.

Kim spotted her friends, and went to them to say hi. Sam and I just sat in the room looking around, like we have never seen such crowd. Did all these people know each other? It seemed like I was at a celebrities funeral. Out of nowhere, someone’s arms wrapped around my neck and I felt their lips pressing against my right cheek. I got up from my seat to see who it was. It was Emma, she looked as beautiful as always, and even in such a sad room, her smile seemed to have brightened it up. She gave me a hug, and apologized again. I still could not believe that such an innocent person would be the murderer. If anything, she would have been a victim of such tragedy.

Sam got up from his seat, and gave Emma a hug like he knew nothing. I understood that we needed to be on good terms with her, who knew what she would do if she knew what we know of her. Emma could tell that I was acting weird by the way I acted towards her. “This must be horrible for you and I am sorry for your loss,” Sam said, “You were meant to go with him to prom. Where were you when the fire started?” Why was he asking her that? It was not the right time. I slapped his arm when she was not looking, and she said: “It’s okay, although Nathan was being an asshole that night. It’s so sad to know that he is dead. Nicole too, she was a good friend of mine. I loved them both and cared for them. I know they are in heaven right now. They were good people.”

We sat back down, and Emma asked where Kim was. Sam pointed to where we last saw her saying hi to her friends, and she looked right at us. Emma smiled and waved. She then stood up and said, “I’m going to say hello to the girls, and I’ll be right back.” I looked at Sam and he said, “Listen dude we take this step by step, we need to know where she was when the fire started, and why the shirt she wore had oil on it.”

The funeral went on, and many people were giving speeches about how life is so short and how really depressing it was to have two young graduates burn to death on their prom night. It was really awkward to have people come up to me and try to have a conversation. No one knew my situation. This one lady hugged me and said, “You poor boy, you really are upset that you have no words to say.”

If only she knew what was going on through my head. If only I had the ability to speak, maybe everything would be solved by now. I did not understand why Sam was acting nice, like Emma did not do anything. Every time I looked at her though I felt comfort, I also felt scared. Scared she would do something to someone else. I hoped Emma would just admit to me what she did, so that maybe I could help her. Does she not trust me? Or is her innocence towards me just an act to catch me off guard and murder me as well?

It was time to leave; we condoled both families and made our way out. Kim asked Emma to come with us to get some dinner. She agreed, and sat the whole ride back next to me while holding my hand.

We made a stop at the petrol station to get some McDonald’s. Sam and Kim went down to pick up the food. Emma left the car too, to use the bathroom. Just as she left the car, my shirt fell out. I guess Sam brought it with him. She picked it up, and threw it back in saying, “I am sorry it was soaked with oil, but I bumped into Kim yesterday and she accidently spilled it on me. I’ll take it home and wash it for you.”

Kim? Why would Kim have oil? I wondered. She closed the door, and then my door opened. Kim placed the food next to me and asked if I wanted anything else. She gave me her phone to type, and when she did I noticed her left hand was slightly burned.

Chapter 4 - Fire Prom

In the mirror, I saw a man who had grown out of the boy shell. It was the right time to finally call myself a grown up. It was prom night, the night everyone in senior year was looking forward to. The night everyone would get to experience all sorts of things. Good times with good people and good music. I was so excited to finally go out and have some fun with my friends.

The guys and I booked a suite at a hotel by the school, to keep our valuables, alcohol and have an after-party. I was not drinking that night. I got over the drinking phase, since it was just something people do to have them lose control. I hated losing control, and I hated something trying to control my mind.

The suite had four bedrooms. Three couples were staying at three rooms, and I was staying at the fourth alone. Sam and Kim were in the room by mine. Zack, Veronica, Emma and Nathan were in the room down the hall. I had no idea why Nathan was around since we do not hang with him usually. Sam invited him and Emma to join us, because we had extra room. The guys decided I should get the master bedroom, since I did not have anyone, and it did not matter who got what room to them. My room was so organized. I had my suit and tie hung in the closet, my wallet in the safety box, my toothbrush and comb in the bathroom, and for some reason I had condoms in my suitcase just in case. You never know how these nights could get; I thought maybe there would be a girl who had no date just like me.

Drinking games in the living room is how we started our night. However, I was just drinking soda. Everyone was hugging each other saying “I love you” and the music in the background was playing loud. I realized that means the alcohol is kicking in, since they were speaking loudly and showing true feelings. I also got the feeling that Emma was flirting with me. Asking me if I needed anything, sitting really close to me, and having her arm around my neck most of the time. It felt strange, but I did not complain.

It was almost time to go to school, and we had booked for a limousine to pick us up. We all got in the elevator, just then, I remembered that I forgot my wallet in the safety box and ran back to get it. I got in my room and noticed the master bedroom’s door was open, and my clothes were thrown everywhere. The safety box was closed, and my wallet was still there. What happened? Who did this? I heard voices at the end of the hallway. I walked towards the sound. Somebody was in the room Nathan and Emma were staying. The door was slightly open.

I opened the door and saw Emma standing in front of the mirror, wearing one of shirts and looking at herself. What is she doing wearing my clothes? I knocked at the door, and she jumped screaming. “You scared me,” she said as she was laughing. I looked at her with a puzzled face. “Oh this?” as she pointed to my shirt, “I am so sorry to just take one of your shirts, but I spilled my drink on my dress, also Nathan and I had a fight. So I thought it would be okay to wear one your shirts and go to prom since I do not have a date anymore and it does not matter how I look.”

I walked slowly to her, and gave her a hug while rubbing on her head. I wanted to know why her and Nathan fought, but that did not come to mind. She asked me, “Why did I just not go with you? You’re way better than him and I see the way you look at me.” I took a step back, shrugged my shoulders, held her hand and pointed at the door. “You are so cute,” she said giggling. “Yes, I will go with you to prom.” My heart skipped a beat just then, I came back to get my wallet, and instead I got a date with Emma. Could this be destiny?

I walked back with Emma to the elevator and went down to the lobby. The whole time we held hands and I did not even notice. It felt really good. We got in the limousine and the rest of the guys asked where was Nathan and what was Emma wearing. Emma told them what happened, they all laughed. I did not understand why though, but I guess they were happy for me.

We got to school, and made our way to the gym. The school was different. I have never been to it, when it was dark like this. The principal was standing by the gym’s door with his secretary greeting students and telling them to behave. Miss Joy, the secretary, complimented Emma’s outfit for the event and told her she has never seen anyone wear a buttoned shirt for prom in her life. It made me smile, seeing Emma laugh, as she said that. I realized every time she laughed she grew prettier and prettier. Thank God they did notice that the guys have been drinking, or else we would have been in trouble.

As we entered, we noticed the craziness. Everyone was in the middle of the dance floor just dancing and having fun. Zack and Veronica ran to join them. Sam and Kim went to take pictures at the booth. Emma stood and saw Nathan flirting with another girl, who was supposedly one her close friends in middle school. It made her upset. I could not just stand there and watch. I walked towards him and pushed him. He asked what my problem was, and I pointed to where Emma was standing, but no one was there. He called crazy, and told me to go away. I did not care for it; I just went searching for Emma. I looked around the dance floor, but she was not there. Texted Sam asking him if he saw her, he replied saying “The last time I saw her she was with you.”

Miss Joy later came to me, and told me to go find Emma. She said saw her leaving the gym a few minutes ago. I rushed outside, and looked around the school’s playground. I heard somebody crying where the slides were. I ran thinking it was Emma, but no one was there. Strange, I thought to myself, I clearly heard someone here. As I turned to walk back, I felt a sudden breeze go right through me. That breeze somehow reminded me of Mary. Only then did I remember that that area was were Mary and I used to hang out all the time when we were young.

I sat on the swings thinking about Mary, and wondering what she would have wore if she was here tonight. Also reminded by the times I used to get called names by older people when I would play here. They used to call me four eyes because I wore glasses, and pull my pants down so everyone would laugh at me. I never really did anything; until one day Mary ran around behind them while screaming, “Stay away. I will kill you!” I guess calling her psycho made sense. I laughed to myself, as I stood up, and walked towards the gym thinking maybe Emma was back. All of a sudden, I heard someone screaming.

It sounded like a girl, and the voice came from the girls’ bathroom by the gym. I got there, and just as I was about to go in I heard someone say, “Stop it, get off me.” I barged in and saw Nathan with Emma’s friend; it looked like he was trying to rape her. I pushed him away from her, and she ran out. He then pushed me and asked aggressively “What is your problem? What do you want mute? Oh you can’t talk? That’s right. Move.” He hit his shoulder on mine, and walked out. I rushed out behind him, and saw him just standing there looking at something. It looked as though, he had seen a dead person. I had to see what it was he was looking at.  It was the girl he was just with, and there were lockers on top of her. Blood everywhere, I ran towards her and looked at Nathan trying to tell him that we need to help her. It took him time to get a grip, but he finally came to his senses and decided to help. We pulled her out. She was in tears, and seemed to be very oily. Nathan carried her, and walked towards the exit when all of a sudden lockers fell on them both. I had no strength to get it off them, so I rushed to get help.

I got to the gym and looked for the principal to try to tell him. Everyone saw me panicking. Sam came up to me and asked me what’s wrong. I was out of breath. I dragged him with me, to get him to help. Miss Joy ran behind us asking, “What’s wrong boys? What’s wrong?” The building that had the changing rooms was on fire. Miss Joy ran back inside, to call for help. I tried running towards the bathroom, but Sam stopped me. I typed a message saying Nathan is in there with someone.

Firefighters and police officers soon after arrived. Evacuating the buildings, and said to have found two people in the building. One male and one female. They could not identify who it was, so I rushed to tell them, and Sam stopped me. He told me that if I said anything, then I would be a suspect. It made sense, I was the one there with them, and I could have gotten in trouble if they knew. Everyone was asked to go home, prom was ruined and the night was officially over.

We got to the room, and found Emma in pajama’s watching a movie. We told her what happened, she began crying. She said she was in the bathroom, and it could have been her who died. I gave her a hug, and typed a text saying, “I am glad you are safe and I am sorry I was not there for you.” One thing lead to another, and we began walking together to the room.

Kissing her by the neck, as she took off my shirt. We moved slowly to the bed, and began “making love”. It felt so different experiencing such a thing with the one you had feelings for, everything that was going on felt right. The kisses, while her hands were around me. The sounds she was making as I performed. The silent laugh she would do every time I slid my fingers down her back.

Finally, we were done and out of breath. We cuddled and, next thing you know, fell asleep. I woke up the next day with the biggest smile on my face. I had forgot the events that took place the night before. All I could think of was Emma. She was not around the room. So I decided to freshen up, and get in the shower. I got out of the bathroom, just as Sam walked in the room. He told me that they were going to check out, and go for lunch at Kim’s, asked if I wanted to join. I took out my white board from my suitcase and wrote, “I think I am just going to go home. Where is Emma?” He told me she left, and say's she's sorry she had something to do.

As I got dressed, I noticed my shirt in the mirror, the shirt that Emma was wearing. I turned around to pack it in my bag. Before I did, I placed my face on it to smell. I know I am weird, but I was also in love. I began coughing from the smell of the shirt. It was moist and smelled like oil. 

Chapter 3 - Loved Ones

Do you believe in love from the first sight? I surely do not, but I began believing in love from the second time I got to see her.

She stood with an air of carefree confidence that is most noticeable in her peaceful brown eyes. Soft face with rounded cheekbones, proportionally slim nose, high trimmed brows, soft red lips, and rounded chin is complimented by her charming smile. Her smile, made my heart smile. Her presence was that of a princess, and to her I felt like a servant. If I had the voice to speak, I would have not been able to do so. Just as she walked towards us, I stood up, and was introduced to her by her mother. She smiled again, and that’s when I felt something. Like that smile made my heart open up, and want to welcome her in it for shelter. I fell for her just as we shook hands, and she began to speak.

I know it’s crazy, right? I mean, she was always around but I have never noticed her. Did she notice me? Did she know who I was before the accident had happened? I felt like asking her where was she all my life, and why we never got to speak. Somehow I felt like she would respond with “You were always busy seeking attention, but you never knew who really wanted your attention.” It felt like she liked me too. Yet, she did not say such thing, and I was just imagining her saying that to me. This girl had me lost in thoughts that time flew by, and they had to leave. It was times like this when I wished I had the power to make them stay longer.

            The next day, I got up texted Sam asking what he was up to. He said he was meeting up with the guys at the park later on, and asked me to tag along to buy some food and drinks. So I got dressed for the occasion, and headed downstairs when I bumped into my sister. It was heart breaking to see her with a broken smile every time she saw me. In a way, it felt like she had all these emotions inside and would not show them. I hear her at night, when she prays. She prays that I get my voice back, so we can talk again, like we always did. During her prayer she would not leave anything unsaid. She prayed for those in need, she prays for those who died and she prayed for those who have lost someone they loved. My phone vibrated just then, it was Sam saying he was outside. So I gave Sara a hug, and pointed at my heart then at her, telling her I love her.

            Sam got me a mini white board as a gift, told me I should use that and stop texting all the time. I wrote to him telling him that Emma came yesterday, and she has not left my mind since. He told me that she was going to be there. That’s when I felt it. Anxiety and sweat, like never before. Why was I nervous? Where is this coming from? She’s just a girl from my school, who I never really thought of. Now, she’s got me feeling like I was back in middle school when I went on my first date.

            We got to the market, and as we were shopping, I heard someone calling my name. Their voice sounded familiar, but I could not recognize who it was. I turn around, and to my surprise whom do I see. It was Veronica, out of all the people in the world. What is she doing here? I have not spoken to her since I sent her the message asking her if she wanted to go to prom with me. That’s right, I completely forgot that I asked her to prom. She gave me a hug, and asked me whether I was going to the park. Sam answered her saying that we were, and that we are buying some meat and drinks for the guys since it was going to be a barbeque.

            She then asked if she could get a ride with us. I looked at Sam trying to tell him, that we could not do that. Emma was going to be there, and it would look bad for me. In addition, Veronica thought we were dating, holding tight to my arm like I was her boyfriend. It made me uncomfortable, and only then did I realize my mistake. I should not have asked her to prom. Was I that desperate? I could have just gone with Sam and Kim. I did not know what to do.

            So we got to the park, and everyone was there. The guys came to help us unload the groceries from the car, and Veronica went to her friends to say hi. I did not see Emma anywhere. “She is amazing isn’t she?” asked Zack. Zack was a good friend of mine, who attended History class with me senior year. He was also Veronica’s ex-boyfriend. I still did not know why they had broken up, just two months before prom. In a way, it made sense why Veronica was acting like that. Like she was not into serious relationships, and just wanted to have fun. That is every guys dream though. To have a girl to just fool around with, but I was not like that. I just asked her to prom because I had too. Zack did not know about me asking Veronica to prom either. It would break his heart, and I could not do that to him. Why did I not think of him then? I was being selfish.

            I pulled Sam to the side of the car, and wrote on the white board he gave me what I felt. He told me that her and Zack broke up because they were going to different cities for college, and it had to happen eventually. I had to do something. I had to come up with a plan to get rid of Veronica, help Zack and make sure he does not find out I asked his ex-girlfriend to prom.

            As we were setting the barbeque, everyone would speak to me like I was dying. Are you doing okay? Do you need anything? How are you feeling? Then I would look at them with no response, and they would act awkward and say: “Oh right, you can not reply.” That’s when I would take out the board and draw a smiley face to show they how pointless it was to try talking to me.

            Emma wasn’t anywhere to be seen; I guess this was not her scene. I kind of wished she were there though. Veronica, on the other hand, was trying to be helpful, by getting me a plate and making me a sandwich. The one thing a guy would love a girl to do, make a sandwich. Only then did I realize, could she be trying to make Zack jealous? Is that why he has been looking at us the whole time?

            All of a sudden, he got up and walked towards the parking lot. I’ve come to realize that what was going on has gotten to him. I got up, and walked towards him. Thought he should know that I have no interest in Veronica, and that she was just being a good friend. “I know you asked her to prom,” he said. “I also know that you do not look at her that way, I am sorry for what happened to you, but it is hard for me too. Being around the one I care most about, and pretending like we never were together. I envy you sometimes for being able to be around her like that. Even if you did not speak, it is just her presence that makes me happy.”

            I looked at him; I looked straight into his eyes as I shook my head. Took out my board and wrote: “You need to tell her how you feel, only then will she know. She could be feeling the same way.” I gave him a brotherly hug, and then shook his hand. Trying to make him understand, that it is his happiness that I care for, and he should seek it with her. Just as he walked away, a person appeared from behind him. It was Emma, but she was not alone. Apparently Emma was late to the barbeque because her and Nathan were out shopping for prom suits. Yeah, I know. Emma was going with someone to prom after all. Nathan was one of our high school’s athletes. He was smart, sportive and came from a rich family, so I could see why she would say yes to someone like him. I wished I had asked her first, I was jealous of him. That’s when I felt lonely.

            I felt like a fool being around a bunch of people who were talking, and laughing. Everyone seemed so happy, everyone but me. Sam and Kim were officially dating. Zack spoke to Veronica, and finally got to talk. Nathan was trying to impress Emma with his talk about football. So I guess that just leaves me out of the picture, with no one to talk to, since I can’t even talk. It was annoying for me, why couldn’t I be happy? Why couldn’t I just have someone, I get to share moments like these with?

            I went for a walk around the park, and came across a tree. Decided to just lie by it, until the day was over. Looking from the bottom of the tree, made me observe the nest resting on the stems. Birds go through all that work, to provide shelter for their babies. Would I ever get to provide that for my family in the future? Would I be able to even speak to my kids? Would anyone even agree to marry a mute like me? Slowly closing my eyes, I felt someone’s presence around me. I was so comfortable the way I was, I had no energy to open my eyes and see who it was.

“Get up sleepy head,” someone said. I open my eyes, to see Kim. She laughed and asked what I was doing there alone. “Is everything okay?” she then asked. I have heard that question so many times, but somehow I managed to tear just as she asked. She comforted me with a hug, and told me that everything is going to be okay. I wrote to her asking, “Why do people lie? Why do people say everything is going to be okay, when they are not even sure themselves?” She answered, “God always looks out for the ones he loves, and you’re special. You should know that, and never doubt God’s ability in answering any prayers. Everything happens for a reason, just stay strong and believe.” It made me smile knowing that I had great people in my life, such as Kim. She had a point. I was over exaggerating and it was not the time to give up.

We walked back together to where the barbeque was, and everyone greeted me and asked where I had disappeared to. Veronica and Zack told me that they were going to prom together. I was not upset, that is what I wanted. I was glad they worked things out. I was now dateless to prom just as I hoped, however, I could not ask Emma to go with me since she was going with Nathan. I felt like all I needed was my loved ones to be around me, and I knew Mary was up in heaven looking down on us and smiling. 

Chapter 2 - New Start

A month has passed since the last tragedy. My voice was still gone, and so was Mary. It was hard, trying to speak and was even harder trying to let go of what had happened that night. I blamed myself for everything. Sam did too. He said if he hadn’t taken Kim to the room, none of this would have happened. I still could not blame him. I believe they were meant to leave then, but I could not understand why such a thing would happen. I was finally getting happy. Finally thinking that the one thing I had always wanted was going to happen. Yet, those two idiots had to ruin it for me with their race. I know it was wrong to be happy for someone’s death, but I was happy one of the racers got what he deserved. They took away a life, and had theirs taken.

Nothing was going to save me, I told myself. Nothing in this world could possibly give me both a life and voice back. God? Yeah, I am sure God meant for this to happen. Since everything happens for a reason. My mother would keep going on and on about how God wants good things for me, and how all of this was written. Sometimes I would just wish I had the voice to scream from pain, and tell Him how I would rather he took my life than my voice. I knew He could hear me, I just felt like he was ignoring.

I thought isolating myself in my room, was the best option. I thought the alcohol; weed and pills that I had hidden in my bathroom would make me forget everything. I was wrong. It made me think a lot and never cheered me up. The alcohol had me crying, the weed had me thinking and the pills had me lie down and not be able to move. My stomach was growling, but I did not care. Food was not going to save me. No one was going to save me. My nights were long, during my days I was gone and in my room I was left to rot. My family could not face me, and I did not blame them. I mean who would enjoy speaking to someone who cannot respond. I did not want to see anyone anyway.

Sam used to visit to play video games and update me with the world that I did not care about. I used to write to him with the white board I had in my room, and to make me feel good he used to write back and not speak. I hated everyone for sending me cards and flowers. I was not dead. I wished I were. I just lost one of my senses. Sam told me that I was lucky to lose my voice, and that it made me seem wiser not to speak when spoken to. He also admired the poetry I used to write and post up to the wall, told me it had so much meaning and made him want to cry sometimes. I enjoyed writing, it made me escape the world I was living in and enter a new one. One where no one tells you what to do, or say, or even feels bad for you. It was just one where words written were the most important way of expressing oneself.

One week was left to the school’s prom, and Sam really wanted me to go with him. He told me it is the best way to get out of this box I’ve isolated myself in. He was right. I needed some change of atmosphere. So we went shopping for a prom suit together. We got to the store at the mall and as we were walking around. “Hey guys, do you need any help?” said the girl working at the store. Sam asked for the latest suits they had, that were slim fit, for both him and I. She brought like five for each of us. I really liked them all, and could not decide. Sam was taking his time in the changing room. “Which one do you like?” she asked me. I pointed at them all, and she laughed. “Which one do you want?” I did not know how to respond, I hated people repeating a similar question, and I felt like she was trying to force me to speak. I pointed at one. “Really? What about this one?” while pointing at the one placed right by it. This woman was giving me a hard time, and I was in no place to shut her up. Since prom did not matter to me, I figured I might as well go with what she was picking. Sam came out of the changing room and showed me what he decided to get.

We paid and left the store. Walked around the mall, then decided to eat something. It was nice to have someone who knew me well around, he could just order what I wanted. That’s when it hit me; I needed people around me to know who I was. I needed them to know that I cannot respond to them with words, but I can with actions. So I took out my phone and typed a text telling Sam “People do not know that I can not speak, and I do not know how long it would take for me to start speaking again. So I need to start learning sign language.” He told me that was a great idea. So it was decided I am finally going to have a reason to study sign language.

Just then I saw a girl walking towards us, limping. It was Kim. She said hi, and gave me a hug while crying which made me begin crying too. Everyone was looking at us, but it did not matter. She then sat down and asked how I was doing. My thumbs did the job for me to tell her that I am doing well, and then pointed at her asking how she was doing. She lied when she said she was okay. To me, she seemed sad, I saw it in her eyes. It was like she witnessed and felt everything; after all she was in the accident. I hugged her again to make her know that I’ll always be there.

Sam and her seemed to be getting pretty close. It made happy, yet reminded of how close I was with Mary. I could not think of her though. I know it has been a month, but I came to understand that she is in a better place now. Since everything happens for a reason. I loved her, and I miss her but like my mom would say “Once they pass away, the good will go to a better place.” Mary was the best person I knew. She was kind, loving, caring, and responsible. She never asked for anything in return. I just wished her life were better.

Kim asked us if we were going to prom, and said that we should go together. I somehow felt awkward then, it is obvious that these two would want to spend some alone time together. I could not be the one that comes in between them and having a good time. So I texted Sam without letting Kim notice, telling him that he should tell her that I already have someone to go with, when the truth is I did not. I had to make it seem like I did though.

I got home, and the search began. I scrolled through my phone in search of a prom date. All of a sudden, I came across her name. No not Mary, but Veronica. The girl I was with the night of the accident. I thought to myself, “Should I text her?” but it seemed like I had no other choice but to do so. She replied very quickly to my text, asking how I was doing. I did not know how to respond, or how to ask her to prom. She then sent another message asking if I was going to prom. That was it. That was my chance to ask her to go with me.

Before doing so, I texted Sam asking him if he thinks it is a good idea. He told me to go for it, and that nobody really knows I was in the room with her that night, not even Kim. Eventually, I decided to text her asking if she would want to go with me. With no hesitation, I assume, and judging by her fast reply, she said yes.

I should be excited, you might think, to go to prom. May be get lucky? That is not what I hoped for though. She was not the one I had planned to go with in the first place. Neither was she a plan b. Veronica was not really someone to brag about taking to prom. Especially since she considered Mary a psycho. It was bedtime, and I was exhausted. I had a big day ahead of me with Sam. We were going to go to school to volunteer with designing and arranging the gym for prom.

I woke up the next day feeling energetic and had my mind cleared. It has been a while since I stopped the unhealthy activities such as: smoking and drinking. I felt like this was a new start and I needed to be at my best. We got to school and most of my classmates were there. I appreciated the ones who came and said hello, and did not care for those who spoke and looked at me from a distance. It was not new to me. Besides what can I say to them anyway?

Sam and I were in charge of the graffiti art drawn on the boards that surrounded the gym. He was an artist, and I was more the admirer of his work. Some girls approached us, told us we were doing a good job and thanked us for it. Again, Sam did all the talking. All I did was nod and smile. One of the girls was in my class, but we never got to speak. I always thought she was afraid of me. Not that I was harming her in any way, but that is just how she was. Surprisingly, she seemed more outgoing than ever. Laughing at everything her friends would say then moving around the gym while singing. Not realizing I was spaced out looking at her, Sam noticed me. He laughed and told me maybe I should ask her to prom. I just smiled and continued painting. “Emma, is her name,” Kim said as she approached to hug Sam and I. “She is a nice girl, slightly a nerd.”

It was getting late, and I was feeling tired. Sam decided to give me a ride home. I got home to find my mom with one her friends in the living room. She introduced me to her and told me that her daughter goes to my school, and that she was coming over so I should have a seat. A few minutes later, the doorbell rings and my sister went to open the door. It felt like an angel had walked in, and that angel was the girl from today. It was Emma.

Chapter 1 - Graduation Tragedy

                In gowns we sat down as we heard the principal give a speech on how impressed he was with us, and how he was looking forward to hearing about how someday we will all be successful and thank the school for getting us there. A few minutes later, everyone stood up and threw their caps in the air. It took me time to process the whole 'Cap Throwing' thing, but somehow I managed to throw mine high and keep an eye on it so I would get it back. Everyone was hugging, kissing, crying and I was looking around for my cap. Crawling around, and bumping into the crowd of students, teachers and parents; I finally found the cap that had my initials sewed on them.
                I got up and there she was, the love of my life, my high school crush just opening her arms out saying: "We did it bestie, we finally graduated." I rushed to hug her, with my heart jumping and the smile on my face getting bigger and bigger. She thanked me for being there for her, when she needed someone to complain to about her jerk of an ex-boyfriend, soon to be divorced parents, and brother who was too young to handle the complicated lifestyle she was living in. I had no clue what was going on in her life either, but all I could do was go over to her house to study with her, and play video games with her brother. I heard a voice calling out for my name in the back, it was my dad. He was hugging my brother who had also graduated with me, while calling out for me. We were not twins. My brother got held back a year because of his bad grades which I believe were caused by his first love, who was a slut if you ask me. She used to walk around school like she owned it, acting all slutty to get what she wants. I believe it all started when her brother got kicked out of school. I know she wouldn't have acted that way if he was still around, and nobody of his friends had the courage to tell him "Yeah man, your sister is a bitch."
             My mother took a picture of us three, while crying, and praying that God will take us on a journey to remember. One filled with life, love and happiness. My father told us both that this is the day he's been waiting for all his life and that he's never been happier. Both his sons graduating on the same day, that was a huge thing. As kids, he used to always tell us that with hard work the outcome would be a great reward. So on graduation day, his reward was freedom. "Do what you want to do, you do not need my permission for anything anymore. You are grown men, and no longer my responsibility," he said. Nothing was going to ruin that day for me, besides the fact that I cannot tell the one I love how I truly feel. I told myself that I am going to get over her, and our friendship is way too valuable to ruin by three stupid words such as 'I love you'. Besides I should be happy since everyone seemed so happy, and nothing in the world could ruin this day for us graduates.
            The guys and I were discussing what to do later at night, when a girl friend of ours told us that she is throwing a party at a neighbouring hotel's ballroom. We were all going to go, since everyone was invited and nothing else was planned. There was no time to go back home, and get dressed. We were in suits already so we just left from there. As soon as we got there, we realised the ball room was not so big and the party was not a private one. People from other schools were there, and yet somehow I felt like I knew everyone. The DJ was playing good music, everyone was jumping around, and I was dancing like no tomorrow. Later on I started dancing with this girl who I had a thing with once before. It never worked out, because I realised I was not the only person she had a thing with. Yes, I was kind of crushed, but that got me to understand that girls and guys are not so different. Some girls enjoy messing around just as much as guys do. My only problem was that I was young, and somehow I felt used. On the other hand, this night, I did not care if I was going to be used. I figured that would be the best thing to do to get the girl I love out of my head.
           We danced, with our bodies pressed against each other and it suddenly got so hot that she asked me if we could go some place else. "It is going to happen," I thought. "I am going to get some tonight." So we rushed to leave the party, and a friend of mine saw me just then. He knew what was going on, and spoke to me about it just when she went to the bathroom. He gave me a room key to the hotel the party was held, told me that I could use it, and that he had some protection in the drawer by the bed. I thanked him, grabbed the girl just as she came out of the bathroom and headed to the room. Kissing from the second we walked in the room, till we got to the bed, our clothes were being thrown everywhere. She had some drinks, and so did I. I guess that is what made it so exciting, steamy and had us feeling so good at every move we made towards each other. She reached out for her purse, took out her own protection and whispered: "This is going to happen, and I always thought you had a thing for that psycho girl". Psycho girl? Did she mean.."She is not psycho!", I yelled.
           Putting my clothes back on, I rushed towards the door, and just when it opened, I saw her. She had a fist held high, like she was about to knock on the door. She asked me what I was doing there, and I replied with the same question. She said she was getting her heels, that were left in the room, and as she walked in she saw what I was doing. She was in shock, yet so was I. She looked at me like she was telling me that I could do better. Meanwhile, I looked at her still confused as to why her heels were there. It then hit me, my friend who gave me the room key said he was with someone, and right now it made sense who that girl was. It was her, the love of my life who my friend knew I had feelings for. I did not believe it, I could not take it. I ran to the elevator, went downstairs looking for him, asking where he was and then I found him. I yelled at him with all my voice "You knew I loved her, you know that I cared for her, you knew how much she meant to me, yet you slept with her?! And even worse, you give me the room that you used to do it." He seemed confused, and kept denying. But in my head, it made sense I punched him and just then our friends stopped us from fighting. I had to get out of there, I had to leave and I wished that today never happened.
           Just when I was waiting for a cab, a girl asked me if I have seen Mary, the girl I once loved but now hate. I responded "She was up in the room looking for her new boyfriend." She laughed and told me that she was the one in the room with my friend, and she wore her heels and forgot them there. I spaced out. I just stood there and froze thinking, "What is she saying? What did I just do?" I just punched a friend for no reason and made a scene, had everyone know what I felt for someone, looked at the one I loved with disgust, had her see that I was with a girl in the room and now... I am standing here feeling so pathetic and guilty.
          I had to go find Sam and apologize to him, and hoped he would understand. It was too late, Sam had already left and a mutual friend told me it's best not to speak to him today, maybe tomorrow. He then added "Sam cares for you man, why would you think he would do such a thing to hurt you?" He was right, Sam was always there for me, he was like a brother I never had, and I just let my feelings for a girl get in between us. I figured, I could at least find Mary and try to explain to her what happened. She found me first, and heard what happened. She said that she could not believe that I would suspect her of doing such a thing, since I know her, and that if any one should be mad, it was her. Since I was the one who was in a room with a girl who she knew hated her, and did not think of how she would feel if she was to find out. I told her that nothing happened, and that I was leaving the room when she spoke about her in a bad way. I told her: "I am tired of hiding my feelings for you, I am tired of going after the wrong girls when I know you are the one I love and it sucks to have you as just a friend, yet it is the best way to keep you in my life". She smiled and added "Did you not hear what I said, silly? I did not like you being with that girl, because I wanted to be the one with you." Her friend called out for her, told her that they had to leave. As she was walking away, she moved her lips with no voice coming out saying "I love you". Just then, I shattered inside, although she had said it so many times, why is it that this time it seemed different? I jumped from joy, got in a cab and headed home.
         On my way home, there was so much traffic, and it seemed strange that even at this late hour there could be such traffic. It did not matter, I was on my way home anyway and looking forward to tomorrow. Just when I got home, I jumped in the shower singing to Jason Mraz's 'Lucky', which was our favorite song at the time. Got in bed, and fell asleep right away.
         I woke up the next morning, thinking about last night and how it was. I also remembered that I had to apologise to Sam for the whole misunderstanding, and hoped he would forgive me. I called him, and he told me to come outside, he wanted to talk. He stood infront of me, and I smiled at him and told him "I am sorry man, there has been some misunderstanding. I did not mean to punch you and say those things. I was stupid, and I did not know what was going on. I thought you were with Mary in the room, when you were actually with her friend." He began tearing and said: "Mary is dead man, she was in accident yesterday. Two guys where racing when one of them lost grip of his wheel and drove right towards the side where Mary was sitting in the car. Kim is fine, she just broke her leg, but Mary is dead man. I am so sorry"
        It's not possible, I could not believe it, so many words were going through my head that I could not speak or say anything. I tried my best to utter a word out, but nothing. All the pain that I wanted to scream out, would not come out. I then blacked out, from all the stress at trying to speak. Opened my eyes was laying on a hospital bed. I could hear the doctor speaking to my father, and telling him that due to the shock I somehow lost my ability to speak. My whole family was in tears, and all I could do was just lay in bed there moving my lips with no sound coming out. Mourning over the pain of losing both Mary and my voice.